I haven't been completely honest about some stuff going on in my life lately, mostly because a lot of the stuff in my life hasn't been going that great and I don't like to bring everybody down and look like I'm just searching for sympathy, because that's the opposite of what I want. (I actually would rather not talk about it.) It's just, in the interest of full disclosure and such, I feel like I should share with you guys what all has been going on in my life so that you know why I've been a little absent and scatter-brained lately.
01. I might be dropping out of school for a year. My mom cashed out what was left of 401K (against my wishes) to pay for next semester, but after that I'm on my own. I can probably hardcore work and make enough for rent and such, but I have no way to pay for tuition. I've always believed that if you wanted to go to school, there was always a way to do so, even if the situation wasn't necessarily ideal. Recently I've realized that's utter bullshit. I get a butt load of aid (in the form of grants, loans, and donor scholarships) because my family is broke but not nearly enough for a school like Columbia. Because my mom filed partial bankruptcy five years ago, she's been rejected for the PLUS loan, as some of you may remember from earlier this fall, and that means she's also not able to co-sign a private loan for me. On my own, I don't have the credit to get one, even if I accept astronomical interest ratings. I have no one else to co-sign for me and my grandparents already loaned me money to go this semester. We all know my dad is a shithead. I'm still doing hardcore scholarship applications but, despite my 3.5GPA, I'm not optimistic that I can raise six grand per semester.
02. Toe moved to Madison (semi)permanently last month. So now the three members of my immediate family are living in three different states. There's just no jobs where we live in northern Indiana. Now that all the RV factories are closing, even the crappy $8/hr cashier jobs are impossible to get. Indiana is running out of unemployment and he has no other option. So he's living with his Burmese buddy and making sushi for cash under the table. It's good money but my mom's having to live alone in the middle of nowhere and is miserable. Our house is for sale but, with the area so bad, there's little hope it's going to sell anytime soon. So she's planning on moving in with Toe and his Burmese friends (despite most of them only speaking Burmese - a language she doesn't know) and, if the house ever sells, they'll move into a one bedroom apartment in Madison.
03. I don't know what I'm going to do come May. It could go several ways. Despite the fact that I've moved tons of times and started over in new states before, we've always done our moves spontaneously. We decide to do it and we do it quickly. There's no deliberation or purgatory period. There is with this and I hate not having a plan for my life. It's driving me crazy. So far, here are my options:
a) If I find enough scholarship money, I'll be living in Chicago, working and going to school at Columbia full time. I'll most likely live in a cheap one or two bedroom apartment in Boystown with Blair but, if not, I might have to live by myself in a cheap Chinatown studio or something.
b) If I can't get the money and our house has sold, I'll be living with my mom and Toe in a small apartment in Madison. I'll just have to work hardcore and save up money, while taking Gen Eds at a community college that's cheap enough where my government aid will cover everything. (If I'm not in school at least part time, I'll have to start paying back my government loans - which would defeat the purpose of working to save money for school.) Another option is that I might use my government aid money to go to cosmetology school instead of community college. It's always been something I've been interested in doing (for a while I considered getting my beauty school certification instead of going to college) and it would be a good job to have through college and a nice skill to just have.
c) If our house in Indiana hasn't sold, I'll probably live there with my Mom (or alone or with a roommate, etc) and do the community college/beauty school thing there instead.
04. My biggest fear came true last week. My mom went out with some family to the bar where we both used to work and... had an episode. She passed out on the dance floor, despite the fact that she had eaten, was fully hydrated, and was feeling fine mere minutes before. They called an ambulance, who seemed sure it had something to do with her heart. She was unconscious on and off for most of the night but they took her to the hospital and ran tons of tests, none of which showed anything wrong. So they thought someone may have drugged her but all those tests came back negative. So now we have a huge ass medical bill (my mom can't afford insurance) and no idea what happened. A couple days later, she was completely back to normal, but I can't help but worry that the doctors have missed something and that she's going to drop dead from some fluke thing. I don't know what I will do if that happens. She's all I have left. She's my best friend. I can't imagine life without her. I honestly don't know how I'll survive. And this is going to sound horrible, but I hope to God that someone roofied her or something and that the tests were false negatives or something because that's the possibility that scares me the least.
05. On the brighter side, I think I may(?) have a new boy. His name is Theodore and he really needs a nickname. (However, I will say that his full name suits him perfectly because he is the exact opposite of what I usually go for.) The guys I've liked in the past have been very different from one another but I normally am attracted to tall guys who are of a bigger build and have dark hair. Blue eyes, as well as a couple tattoos or piercings are all bonuses. Theodore? Is none of these things except tall. (I'm 5'8 and he's a full head taller than me.) He's also one of those people you just want to stab because he's always perfectly composed, expertly matched, and incredibly lucky. And, I don't mean to be stereotypical when I say this, but he's so well dressed that I expected him to be gay until I had an actual conversation with him and realized he definitely was not. Personality-wise, he's a lot like me though. Very sarcastic and cynical, but in a really dry and funny way. He actually reminds me of Barney Stinson in some ways because he's always dressed up in bow ties, sweater vests, and such, plus he just has that type of personality (minus all the womanizing).
He's also rich. To a degree that he spends more on a tie than I spend total in an entire month. And it's completely his parents money. I don't like to judge people by the amount of money in their bank of account but, to be completely honest, I normally am not interested in guys who are loaded just because we tend to be very different. My financial situation, whether I like it to be or not, is a big part of my life and I've found that people who don't have to worry about money can't really relate for obvious reasons. I mean, his family has a lake house. Mine has food stamps. And he's not of those people who, you find out after getting to know them, happens to have money. Everything about him just screams that he's loaded.
I met him through my writing class and, for the past couple weeks, we've been walking home together twice a week because he catches the subway a block from my apartment. After class yesterday, he was craving soup and decided he was going to go get lobster bisque at his favorite restaurant (a fancy one owned by Ralph Lauren and frequented by Oprah). He invited me along and, after a bit of hesitation, I agreed. So we took the subway uptown (a place I never frequent because everything there is out of my price range) and the place was exactly what I expected it to be. Real tablecloths. Fancy silverware. Waiters who actually have those little silver crumb scrapers. We ordered soup and ate the amazing bread and he ordered a drink (apparently he's twenty-one!) and had a really nice talk. There wasn't once a moment of awkward silence or pause. I really like him. I don't know if he likes me.
He paid for both of us because the waiter gave him one check and when I asked him if he was sure, he just said that if I was that worried about it, I could treat him to Pick Me Up when we go. It's my favorite Chicago restaurant and it's the exact opposite of his place. It's a total hole in the wall, partially vegan, with random strands of lights everywhere, bulletin boards full of napkin doodles and random candids, horrible service, and the most amazing cheese fries you've ever tasted. He's never been there or even to that part of town so I'm suppose to take him sometime soon. I'm excited mainly just because of the entertainment value of seeing him there. He will be so out of place.
I think, despite everything, I really like him. I don't have time for a boy. Kill me now.
06. Fun fact of the week: For the past two weeks, I've been living on twenty bucks a week. My housing is already paid for and I have a U-Pass for all my transit needs but that includes groceries, going out, everything. I am a master budgeter, lemme just tell ya.
07. If you're a fan of Twilight, or just a fan of mocking it, you HAVE to read this. It's full of LOLZ and awesomeness. Seriously. It kind of made my day.
08. I need a big favor. My paid account runs out in like four days and my user-pics run out sometime this month too. I am so broke that it's ridiculous so if anyone can renew either, for no matter how short an amount of time, I will not only you love you forever but I will try to pay you back however I can. Icons, headers, ficlets... I don't know what else I can offer but I will absolutely do my best.
09. Also, last call for Christmas cards. I've been working on them all weekend and will be sending them out sometime this week.
10. Random thought: In the past, I've mentioned that I'm always up for hosting any sites you guys may have the urge to make. Recently, Dreamhost had to take my account down for a couple hours and move it to a more stable server. To make up for the downtime, they've credited my account with unlimited bandwdith and disk space forever. So, just FYI, the hosting offer obviously still stands for personal sites, fansites, whatever. Speaking of, random hostee pimps: Elevator Fragments + Blair and Chuck DOT com
01. I might be dropping out of school for a year. My mom cashed out what was left of 401K (against my wishes) to pay for next semester, but after that I'm on my own. I can probably hardcore work and make enough for rent and such, but I have no way to pay for tuition. I've always believed that if you wanted to go to school, there was always a way to do so, even if the situation wasn't necessarily ideal. Recently I've realized that's utter bullshit. I get a butt load of aid (in the form of grants, loans, and donor scholarships) because my family is broke but not nearly enough for a school like Columbia. Because my mom filed partial bankruptcy five years ago, she's been rejected for the PLUS loan, as some of you may remember from earlier this fall, and that means she's also not able to co-sign a private loan for me. On my own, I don't have the credit to get one, even if I accept astronomical interest ratings. I have no one else to co-sign for me and my grandparents already loaned me money to go this semester. We all know my dad is a shithead. I'm still doing hardcore scholarship applications but, despite my 3.5GPA, I'm not optimistic that I can raise six grand per semester.
02. Toe moved to Madison (semi)permanently last month. So now the three members of my immediate family are living in three different states. There's just no jobs where we live in northern Indiana. Now that all the RV factories are closing, even the crappy $8/hr cashier jobs are impossible to get. Indiana is running out of unemployment and he has no other option. So he's living with his Burmese buddy and making sushi for cash under the table. It's good money but my mom's having to live alone in the middle of nowhere and is miserable. Our house is for sale but, with the area so bad, there's little hope it's going to sell anytime soon. So she's planning on moving in with Toe and his Burmese friends (despite most of them only speaking Burmese - a language she doesn't know) and, if the house ever sells, they'll move into a one bedroom apartment in Madison.
03. I don't know what I'm going to do come May. It could go several ways. Despite the fact that I've moved tons of times and started over in new states before, we've always done our moves spontaneously. We decide to do it and we do it quickly. There's no deliberation or purgatory period. There is with this and I hate not having a plan for my life. It's driving me crazy. So far, here are my options:
a) If I find enough scholarship money, I'll be living in Chicago, working and going to school at Columbia full time. I'll most likely live in a cheap one or two bedroom apartment in Boystown with Blair but, if not, I might have to live by myself in a cheap Chinatown studio or something.
b) If I can't get the money and our house has sold, I'll be living with my mom and Toe in a small apartment in Madison. I'll just have to work hardcore and save up money, while taking Gen Eds at a community college that's cheap enough where my government aid will cover everything. (If I'm not in school at least part time, I'll have to start paying back my government loans - which would defeat the purpose of working to save money for school.) Another option is that I might use my government aid money to go to cosmetology school instead of community college. It's always been something I've been interested in doing (for a while I considered getting my beauty school certification instead of going to college) and it would be a good job to have through college and a nice skill to just have.
c) If our house in Indiana hasn't sold, I'll probably live there with my Mom (or alone or with a roommate, etc) and do the community college/beauty school thing there instead.
04. My biggest fear came true last week. My mom went out with some family to the bar where we both used to work and... had an episode. She passed out on the dance floor, despite the fact that she had eaten, was fully hydrated, and was feeling fine mere minutes before. They called an ambulance, who seemed sure it had something to do with her heart. She was unconscious on and off for most of the night but they took her to the hospital and ran tons of tests, none of which showed anything wrong. So they thought someone may have drugged her but all those tests came back negative. So now we have a huge ass medical bill (my mom can't afford insurance) and no idea what happened. A couple days later, she was completely back to normal, but I can't help but worry that the doctors have missed something and that she's going to drop dead from some fluke thing. I don't know what I will do if that happens. She's all I have left. She's my best friend. I can't imagine life without her. I honestly don't know how I'll survive. And this is going to sound horrible, but I hope to God that someone roofied her or something and that the tests were false negatives or something because that's the possibility that scares me the least.
05. On the brighter side, I think I may(?) have a new boy. His name is Theodore and he really needs a nickname. (However, I will say that his full name suits him perfectly because he is the exact opposite of what I usually go for.) The guys I've liked in the past have been very different from one another but I normally am attracted to tall guys who are of a bigger build and have dark hair. Blue eyes, as well as a couple tattoos or piercings are all bonuses. Theodore? Is none of these things except tall. (I'm 5'8 and he's a full head taller than me.) He's also one of those people you just want to stab because he's always perfectly composed, expertly matched, and incredibly lucky. And, I don't mean to be stereotypical when I say this, but he's so well dressed that I expected him to be gay until I had an actual conversation with him and realized he definitely was not. Personality-wise, he's a lot like me though. Very sarcastic and cynical, but in a really dry and funny way. He actually reminds me of Barney Stinson in some ways because he's always dressed up in bow ties, sweater vests, and such, plus he just has that type of personality (minus all the womanizing).
He's also rich. To a degree that he spends more on a tie than I spend total in an entire month. And it's completely his parents money. I don't like to judge people by the amount of money in their bank of account but, to be completely honest, I normally am not interested in guys who are loaded just because we tend to be very different. My financial situation, whether I like it to be or not, is a big part of my life and I've found that people who don't have to worry about money can't really relate for obvious reasons. I mean, his family has a lake house. Mine has food stamps. And he's not of those people who, you find out after getting to know them, happens to have money. Everything about him just screams that he's loaded.
I met him through my writing class and, for the past couple weeks, we've been walking home together twice a week because he catches the subway a block from my apartment. After class yesterday, he was craving soup and decided he was going to go get lobster bisque at his favorite restaurant (a fancy one owned by Ralph Lauren and frequented by Oprah). He invited me along and, after a bit of hesitation, I agreed. So we took the subway uptown (a place I never frequent because everything there is out of my price range) and the place was exactly what I expected it to be. Real tablecloths. Fancy silverware. Waiters who actually have those little silver crumb scrapers. We ordered soup and ate the amazing bread and he ordered a drink (apparently he's twenty-one!) and had a really nice talk. There wasn't once a moment of awkward silence or pause. I really like him. I don't know if he likes me.
He paid for both of us because the waiter gave him one check and when I asked him if he was sure, he just said that if I was that worried about it, I could treat him to Pick Me Up when we go. It's my favorite Chicago restaurant and it's the exact opposite of his place. It's a total hole in the wall, partially vegan, with random strands of lights everywhere, bulletin boards full of napkin doodles and random candids, horrible service, and the most amazing cheese fries you've ever tasted. He's never been there or even to that part of town so I'm suppose to take him sometime soon. I'm excited mainly just because of the entertainment value of seeing him there. He will be so out of place.
I think, despite everything, I really like him. I don't have time for a boy. Kill me now.
06. Fun fact of the week: For the past two weeks, I've been living on twenty bucks a week. My housing is already paid for and I have a U-Pass for all my transit needs but that includes groceries, going out, everything. I am a master budgeter, lemme just tell ya.
07. If you're a fan of Twilight, or just a fan of mocking it, you HAVE to read this. It's full of LOLZ and awesomeness. Seriously. It kind of made my day.
08. I need a big favor. My paid account runs out in like four days and my user-pics run out sometime this month too. I am so broke that it's ridiculous so if anyone can renew either, for no matter how short an amount of time, I will not only you love you forever but I will try to pay you back however I can. Icons, headers, ficlets... I don't know what else I can offer but I will absolutely do my best.
09. Also, last call for Christmas cards. I've been working on them all weekend and will be sending them out sometime this week.
10. Random thought: In the past, I've mentioned that I'm always up for hosting any sites you guys may have the urge to make. Recently, Dreamhost had to take my account down for a couple hours and move it to a more stable server. To make up for the downtime, they've credited my account with unlimited bandwdith and disk space forever. So, just FYI, the hosting offer obviously still stands for personal sites, fansites, whatever. Speaking of, random hostee pimps: Elevator Fragments + Blair and Chuck DOT com
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